Entries from June 2008 ↓

Have you recently felt waist-deep in the remakes that Hollywood is churning out at us? Those suits are approving them faster than a greasy teenager can wrap up and deliver an equally greasy feces-spotted burger. Now you have to understand, the execs are timid and frightened of green-lighting anything new and original. After all, anything untried could fail and cost them their job.

So far this year we’ve seen Peter Segal helmed Get Smart, The Eye, Shutter, Prom Night, One Missed Call, Funny Games, etc. With the exception of the Steve Carell flick, they all sucked, but that didn’t stop future Idiocracy members from making them profitable, which ensure more and more remakes…

Get ready to duck and cover because here they come!

TRAIN (2008) by Gideon Raff < Terror Train (1980) by Roger Spottiswoode.

The Echo (2008) by Yam Laranas < Sigaw (2004) by, you guessed it, Yam Laranas. It will be like George Sluizer remaking his chilling masterpiece Spoorloos (1988) into the Americanized (re: shitty) The Vanishing (1993).

The Valet (2008) by Bobby and Peter Farrelly < La Doublure (2006) by Francis Veber.

Star Blazers (2008) by producer Josh C. Kline < The Japanese anime series Star Blazers (1979). The upcoming movie will be live-action; just think Thunderbirds (2004) – question: did that hurt?

*June 29 note: See comments regarding Star Blazers (2008).

Race with the Devil (2008) by Chris Moore < Race with the Devil (1975) by Jack Starrett.

It’s Alive (2008) by Josef Rusnak (The Thirteenth Floor, 1999) < It’s Alive (1974) by Larry Cohen.

Anguish (2008) < Angustia (1987) by J.J. Bigas Luna. It involves a serial killer who collects eyeballs by force for his mother’s keepsake. For some odd reason, this reminds me of the surreal Alejandro Jodorowsky masterpiece Santa sangre (1989).

Possession (2008) by Joel Bergvall and Simon Sandquist < Jungdok (2002) by Young-hoon Park.

The Host (2008) < Gwoemul (2006) by Bong Joon-ho

It’s a Ferrara twofer: The Driller Killer (2008) by Andrew Jones < The Driller Killer (1979) by Abel Ferrara. Bad Lieutenant (1992) by Abel Ferrara > Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009) by Werner Herzog. Nicolas Cage takes on the infamous Harvey Kietel role. This is the only one I’m looking forward to.

Battle Royale (2008) < Batoru rowaiaru (2000) by Kinji Fukasaku

Oh Gawd! They’re even remaking Oh, God! (2008) from the 1977 George Burns semi-classic by Carl Reiner.

Sharky’s Machine (2008) by Phil Joanou < Sharky’s Machine (1981) by Burt Reynolds.

Crossing Over (2008) by Wayne Kramer < Crossing Over (1996) by Wayne Kramer. Oops! The 1996 version is a 35-minute short that’s being adapted to feature-length. It looks promising - starring the likes of Harrison Ford, Sean Penn, Ray Liotta, and Ashley Judd.

Okay, coffee break time!

INTERMISSION

I’m back.

Flirt (2008) < Flirt (2005) by Jaap van Eyck. Not the 1996 Hal Hartley one.

Bangkok Dangerous (2008) by Oxide Pang Chun and Danny Pang < Bangkok Dangerous (1999) by the same Thailand directors.

Revenant (2008) by Randy Robinson < Le Revenant (1903!) by Georges Méliès. This is officially the oldest remake of all time by 105 years. “Florence, get Guinness on the phone!” “Right away. Genghis Khan Capone.”

My Sassy Girl (2008) by Yann Samuell < Yeopgijeogin Geunyeo (2001) by Jae-young Kwak.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) by Scott Derrickson < The 1951 Robert Wise classic.

Brothers (2008) by Jim Sheridan < Brødre (2004) – an excellent drama by Susanne Bier.

Harry and the Butler (2008) by Steve Bing < Harry and the Butler (1961) by Bent Christensen.

Strangers on a Train by Noam Murro < The 1951 Hitchcock classic. I remember how well received Gus Van Sant’s Psycho (1998) was.

Even India is doing a remake with Kurbani (2008) by Feroz Khan < Qurbani (1980) by the same director. But we can forgive India just this one.

And here’s what to be remade in 2009: The Evil Dead, The Seven Samurai (NO!), The Wolf Man, The Birds, Friday the 13th (what do the suits do after ten sequels, they just renew it!), Death Wish, Hellraiser, Rififi (NO!), Mute Witness, Kiki’s Delivery Service (!?!), Piranha 3-D ,yes you just read Piranha 3-D, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (by the guys who brought us the Ask A Ninja webisodes - might be fun.), The Last House on the Left, Fame, Magnum P.I., The Tingler (I wonder if they’ll bring back the electric seats…), and The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which is based on the James Thurber short story.

Wow! Hollywood has turned into a real ouroboros. (“I don’t know what that means?” - Donald Kaufman) Oh, if only Donald Kaufman hadn’t gotten into that lethal automobile collision than we’d be getting more original fare like The Thr3e (re: Identity (2003) by James Mangold).

We live in sad times. Have you scalded your eyes yet with the new Disaster Movie trailer? Those Hollywood anus-lickers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have made another lame-brained parody movie. Not only does Disaster Movie make fun of such “disaster movies” as Enchanted, Juno, Sex and the City, and Hancock…Hancock!? What the hell, Friedberg and Seltzer? Hancock hasn’t even been released yet!

I yearn for the quality parody movies like Top Secret (1984) and The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988).

Word to anyone even considering buying a ticket to Disaster Movie: Don’t be a Idiocracy member. Do me a favor come August 29th, just spend your Friday night watching clips from Ask A Ninja. It’s even better than watching a remake.

Comedian. Teacher. Bullshit-detector.

The Irish-American who tried the FCC by delivering the “Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say on Radio or Television” on broadcast radio is gone. At 71 years of age, George Carlin, one of the very best and radical stand-ups, died of a heart failure on Sunday the 22nd in Santa Monica, California.

Carlin was extremely influential. I am reminded of Lewis Black, one of his descendants who decreed that “there is no such thing as bad language” because we need those words to convey all the shit we go through. Through his comedy, Carlin channeled important issues like women’s rights, race, religion, and sports.

Another of Carlin’s obsessions is how the English Language is used and abused. Here’s a taste: “The phrase sour grapes does not refer to jealousy or envy. Nor is it related to being a sore loser. It deals with the rationalization of failure to attain a desired end. In the original fable by Aesop, The Fox and the Grapes, when the fox realizes he cannot leap high enough to reach the grapes, he rationalizes that even if he had gotten them, they would probably have been sour anyway. Rationalization, that’s all sour grapes means. It doesn’t mean deal with jealousy or sore losing. Yeah, I know you say, ‘Well many people are using it that way, so the meaning is changing.’ And I say, ‘Well many people are really fuckin’ stupid too, shall we just adopt all their standards?’”

Carlin did a handful of supporting roles in such films as Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1990), and John Lasseter and Joe Ranft’s Cars (2006). He was a favorite of Kevin Smith in Dogma (1999), Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), and Jersey Girl (2004). For me, I will beam with joy whenever I recall Carlin as Cardinal Ignatius Glick when introducing Catholicism Wow’s Buddy Christ - “He was a booster!”

Here’s a short Bob Kurtz animation Drawing on the Mind narrated by the man of the dour.

Carlin as an artist not only tackled the controversial, but more importantly he did it with grace and gauze-required wit. He was a man after my own heart: “Most people are not particularly good at anything.” Like Oedipus, George Carlin was a really great motherfucker and he will be missed.

Scheduled to ship in September of this year, this 3,803 piece monster has been slapped with a retail price of $399. Just a little bit over well…anyone’s budget. You can start saving now.

From the site:

Battle inside the Death Star™!

Recreate the action and adventure of the Star Wars™ movies with the ultimate Death Star playset! This amazingly detailed battle station features an incredible array of minifigure-scale scenes, moving parts, characters and accessories from Episodes IV and VI on its multiple decks, including the Death Star control room, rotating turbolaser turrets, hangar bay with TIE Advanced starfighter, tractor beam controls, Emperor’s throne room, detention block, firing laser cannon, Imperial conference chamber, droid maintenance facility, and the powerful Death Star superlaser…plus much more! Swing across the chasm with Luke and Leia, face danger in the crushing trash compactor, and duel with Darth Vader for the fate of the galaxy!

• Includes 25 heroes, villains, droids and creatures!
• Includes 6 new and exclusive minifigures and droids only found in this set: Luke Skywalker™ (Stormtrooper™ outfit), Han Solo™ (Stormtrooper outfit), Assassin Droid™, Interrogation Droid, Death Star Droid and 2 Death Star Troopers™!
• Also includes Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi™, C-3PO™, R2-D2™, Princess Leia™, Chewbacca™, Luke Skywalker (Jedi Knight), Darth Vader™, Grand Moff Tarkin™, Emperor Palpatine™, 2 Stormtroopers, 2 Emperor’s Royal Guards™, R2-Q5™, and mouse droid!
• All-new Dianoga™ trash compactor monster!
• Movie-authentic Death Star environments include the Superlaser control room and target monitor, Imperial conference chamber, TIE Advanced hangar bay with moving launch rack, Emperor’s throne room, droid maintenance room, detention block, trash compactor, and much more!
• Rescue Princess Leia from the detention block cell, then escape through the secret hatch to the trash compactor below!
• Reenact the final duel between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader in the Emperor’s Throne Room!
• Death Star measures 16” (41cm) tall and 16½” (42cm) wide!
• TIE Advanced measures 3½" (9cm) wide!

You can pick it up at Lego.com for $399.

Gears of War is now set in motion by New Line with Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard) directing the video-game adaptation.

The game an instant success when it debuted on the Xbox 360 in November 2006. It became one of the most popular games on the Xbox Live service, overtaking Halo 2, and sold more than 3 million units worldwide in its first 10 weeks. It received numerous awards, including Gamespot’s Game of the Year and the Interactive Achievement Awards’ Overall Game of the Year.

Set on the planet Sera, the game thrusts players into a battle for survival between humans and a race of creatures, known as the Locust Horde, that surface from the bowels of the planet. Players assume identities of soldiers on Delta Squad as they fight to save Sera’s inhabitants.

Chris Morgan, who wrote the upcoming Universal action features Wanted and The Fast and the Furious 4, has been hired to write the screenplay. Wiseman and Morgan will develop the story treatment.

The movement on the project suggests that the reconfigured New Line won’t be confined to horror, thrillers and low-budget comedies but will be able to tackle big-budget projects outside the scope initially ascribed to the Warner Bros. division.

Video-game adaptations have proved a tricky art to master in Hollywood. Some movies have fallen apart because of creative and economic pressures (Halo) while others have not performed well at the box office (Doom).

Cliff Bleszinski, the Gears design director at Epic, said the tricks to adapting a game are simple: “Hollywood needs to take the source material seriously, win over the avid gamers and make it work for an audience that is young and old, male and female.” But he also admitted that that plan is easier said than done.

“Disney made a great movie out of a theme park ride, and somebody is sooner or later going to make a great one out of a video game,” Bleszinski said. “Having someone like Len really helps the odds. I think we’re going to create something special here.”

Source

“This year’s celebration of the art form is ten times the fun for movie lovers,” said AFI President and CEO Bob Gazzale. “And another chapter in our mandate to drive audiences to discover and rediscover the classics of American film.”

Here’s the list… Do you agree with the honorees?

ANIMATION

1 SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS 1937
2 PINOCCHIO 1940
3 BAMBI 1942
4 THE LION KING 1994
5 FANTASIA 1940
6 TOY STORY 1995
7 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 1991
8 SHREK 2001
9 CINDERELLA 1950
10 FINDING NEMO 2003

FANTASY

1 THE WIZARD OF OZ 1939
2 THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING 2001
3 IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE 1946
4 KING KONG 1933
5 MIRACLE ON 34th STREET 1947
6 FIELD OF DREAMS 1989
7 HARVEY 1950
8 GROUNDHOG DAY 1993
9 THE THIEF OF BAGDAD 1924
10 BIG 1988

GANGSTER

1 THE GODFATHER 1972
2 GOODFELLAS 1990
3 THE GODFATHER PART II 1974
4 WHITE HEAT 1949
5 BONNIE AND CLYDE 1967
6 SCARFACE: THE SHAME OF A NATION 1932
7 PULP FICTION 1994
8 THE PUBLIC ENEMY 1931
9 LITTLE CAESAR 1930
10 SCARFACE 1983

SCIENCE FICTION

1 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY 1968
2 STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE 1977
3 E.T. - THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL 1982
4 A CLOCKWORK ORANGE 1971
5 THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL 1951
6 BLADE RUNNER 1982
7 ALIEN 1979
8 TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY 1991
9 INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS 1956
10 BACK TO THE FUTURE 1985

WESTERN

1 THE SEARCHERS 1956
2 HIGH NOON 1952
3 SHANE 1953
4 UNFORGIVEN 1992
5 RED RIVER 1948
6 THE WILD BUNCH 1969
7 BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID 1969
8 McCABE & MRS. MILLER 1971
9 STAGECOACH 1939
10 CAT BALLOU 1965

SPORTS

1 RAGING BULL 1980
2 ROCKY 1976
3 THE PRIDE OF THE YANKEES 1942
4 HOOSIERS 1986
5 BULL DURHAM 1988
6 THE HUSTLER 1961
7 CADDYSHACK 1980
8 BREAKING AWAY 1979
9 NATIONAL VELVET 1944
10 JERRY MAGUIRE 1996

MYSTERY

1 VERTIGO 1958
2 CHINATOWN 1974
3 REAR WINDOW 1954
4 LAURA 1944
5 THE THIRD MAN 1949
6 THE MALTESE FALCON 1941
7 NORTH BY NORTHWEST 1959
8 BLUE VELVET 1986
9 DIAL M FOR MURDER 1954
10 THE USUAL SUSPECTS 1995

ROMANTIC COMEDY

1 CITY LIGHTS 1931
2 ANNIE HALL 1977
3 IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT 1934
4 ROMAN HOLIDAY 1953
5 THE PHILADELPHIA STORY 1940
6 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY … 1989
7 ADAM’S RIB 1949
8 MOONSTRUCK 1987
9 HAROLD AND MAUDE 1971
10 SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE 1993

COURTROOM DRAMA

1 TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD 1962
2 12 ANGRY MEN 1957
3 KRAMER VS. KRAMER 1979
4 THE VERDICT 1982
5 A FEW GOOD MEN 1992
6 WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION 1957
7 ANATOMY OF A MURDER 1959
8 IN COLD BLOOD 1967
9 A CRY IN THE DARK 1988
10 JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG 1961

EPIC

1 LAWRENCE OF ARABIA 1962
2 BEN-HUR 1959
3 SCHINDLER’S LIST 1993
4 GONE WITH THE WIND 1939
5 SPARTACUS 1960
6 TITANIC 1997
7 ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT 1930
8 SAVING PRIVATE RYAN 1998
9 REDS 1981
10 THE TEN COMMANDMENTS 1956

Interesting facts about the list include:

– The earliest entry on the list is THE THIEF OF BAGDAD (Fantasy) from 1924; with the most recent being FINDING NEMO (Animated) from 2003.

– Alfred Hitchcock is the most represented director with 4 films; Steven Spielberg and Stanley Kubrick follow with 3 entries each.

– James Stewart is the most represented actor with 6 entries; Tom Hanks is next with 4; Warren Beatty, Robert De Niro, Gene Hackman, James Earl Jones, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino and John Wayne all have 3 films each.

– Diane Keaton is the most represented actress with 4 films on the list; Grace Kelly and Talia Shire each have 3 entries.

To compile the final list, AFI distributed a ballot with 500 nominated movies (50 per genre) to a jury of over 1,500 leaders from the creative community, including film artists (directors, screenwriters, actors, editors, cinematographers), critics and historians.

Source

Nearly a month ago, the trailer for the next highly anticipated film David Fincher film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button debuted before the fourth Indiana Jones movie on May 23rd. The Spanish version of the trailer was briefly available online that day. Now Fincher and Paramount Pictures have officially launched the trailer today in High Definition over at Apple.

This is as good as it gets.

My first viewing of the trailer on the big screen was a transcendent experience. Maybe greater than the one for The Dark Knight coming July 18th. Hell, it’s on par with There Will Be Blood.

The angelic and somber score comes from Saint-Saens’ Carnival of the Animals - Aquarium sans the choir that has been used in Terrance Malick’s Days of Heaven (1978) and a few Ren and Stimpy cartoons. Except for the odd line of dialogue that bookends the trailer, the music is dominant like a silent picture. It reminds me of the eerie, dialogue-free Dark City Trailer.

Best of all, it doesn’t overstay its welcome clocking in at one minute and forty-six seconds. Too many trailers go to the trouble of cramming in every cool visual along with the final confrontation into two minutes and forty seconds. Over-eagerness does not suit a seducer.

The F. Scott Fitzgerald short story makes for a compelling hour’s read. It draws parallels to Daniel Keyes’ Flowers For Algernon. A baby is born wrinkled, decrepit and frighteningly able to talk candidly about the indignity of being given a milk bottle. As the time passes, Benjamin Button (nearly named Methuselah, referring to the son of Noah who reached the age of 969 years old) must contend with living a unique life of regressing to youth both psychically and mentally. He is always withheld from the conventional human experience, but strives for it anyways.

Within Fincher’s command after Zodiac (2007), his most successful feature, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button could become an instant classic. I hope.

The film stars Brad Pitt (12 Monkeys, 1995), Cate Blanchett (The Talented Mr. Ripley, 1999), Tilda Swinton (Young Adam, 2003), Julia Ormond (The Baby of Macon, 1993), Elias Koteas (The Thin Red Line, 1998), Jason Flemyng (From Hell, 2001), and Taraji P. Henson (Hustle and Flow, 2005)

Christmas looks promising this year.

I was just mulling over the Ron Clements and John Musker film The Little Mermaid (1989) and this popped in my head: Since Ursula (voiced by Pat Caroll - Songcatcher, 2000) has duped so many mermaids and mermen, poor unfortunate souls, into breaking their contract in exchange for physical beauty or whatever and then having transformed them into hideous seaweeds held prisoner in her garden, wouldn’t anyone in the Kingdom realize a sudden depletion in mermaid population? Where are missing mermaid notices and search parties?

Some ruler King Tritan turned out to be; he’s doesn’t even give a damn about his subjects’ whereabouts! Must be too busy arranging for the few mermaids left to attend another musical starring his daughters and obsessing over Ariel, the youngest one. What a tool!

Stan Winston, a giant in old school special effects, has passed away. He is survived by Karen, his wife of 37 years, and his two children. Without his perseverance, imagination and the comradeship he had with those at Stan Winston Studios we wouldn’t have Terminators, “Stay Away From Her, You Bitch” Aliens, Pumpkinheads, Scissorhands, Small Soldiers, and Jurassic Park dinosaurs as we see them today. He won four Academy Awards.

Revel in his brilliance here.

At a time when practically all visual wizardry can be accomplished with a computer, Winston’s work makes a compelling argument for the you-see-what-you-see handcrafted effects that are taken for granted. For granted because those seemingly breathing creatures on the screen made us focus on the real gem: the story.

German filmmaker Werner Herzog actually hauled a 360-ton boat up a muddy 40-degree slope in the Amazon jungle when filming Fitzcarraldo (1982) because visual effects wouldn’t be able to express such a feat as completely. I think Stan Winston would’ve appreciated that.

Before his death he supervising the special effects for Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins to be released next year. The last completed film Winston conjured with his magic touch was the brilliant Iron Man (2008). With his passing, the world just got less awesome.

Last time Commissioner Gordon called you up. Then District Attorney Harvey Dent sent you his Call to Action as part of his re-election campaign via e-mail. I admit it. Come election day, I voted for Dent online because I believed in him. I’m glad HE WON! - you can also watch Dent’s Assistant Rachael Dawes endorse her support for him.

Just days after the Gotham Election Board closed on June 12th, we get THIS.

I only believe in him partially now.

Say, does anyone else think this map of Gotham City looks like a face?

July 18th is just a month away.

Cut to the Chase: It ain’t happening.

How god-awful does M. Night Shyamalan’s thriller The Happening get? Marky Mark Walhberg actually talks to a house plant. I wish I was making this up. Now I realize Shyamalan’s intention for the scene and the film in whole - mankind has pushed Mother Nature too far and the planet uses mind manipulation to destroy its human inhabitants. A near-glib premise that holds enough weight to make a decent Twilight Zone episode circa 1950s, maybe even a successful M. Night Shyamalan feature. It could have worked had Shyamalan made wiser choices that don’t fall with a clunk like the one where Walhberg talks to a house plant.

The greatest failure on Shyamalan’s part is that he has stopped respecting the audience’s intelligence. Everything is spelled out in such agonizing exposition. Even the character’s motives are clumsily explained: “I don’t like to show my feelings too!” The talking points by key characters and news anchors going on about the environment’s biting cause have the subtlety of a running drill against the skull. It is very aggravating to watch a movie that has exchanged much needed ambiguity, menace, atmosphere and compelling characterizations for the said exposition — even more so from a filmmaker who has proved himself a smart and skillful one more than once.

The premise is a compelling one: people, for some airy reason, are subject to possession and committing suicide. Scenes of the mass population being driven to inventively kill themselves are disturbing for the tact strategy that goes into their execution. The blood letting is sparing, and kept to a minimum to maintain its effectiveness without going into overkill. Construction workers fall from a high rise with balletic grace before making sickening thuds. Much ado has been made about this being Shyamalan’s first R-rated feature, though anyone expecting to witness a holocaust will be attending a small-scale spectacle of human annihilation.

One scene sorely in need of inclusion takes place in a souped-up cineplex theater bursting with inconsiderate, loud-mouthed, cellphone-blaring teenagers like the ones I was watching The Happening with. This would be followed by them going into a trance and start simultaneously choking to death on their blueberries, laser pens and stinky nachos. That would have been appreciated.

There is anger simmering in Shyamalan’s vision; a billboard advertisement reads “You deserve this!”, however he is not angry enough. Some deaths just don’t have enough impact; through his aloof camera lens (though it’s supposed to be Elliot’s POV, and ours by proxy), we see one man calmly lie down in front of an approaching giant lawnmower. For Shyamalan’s ‘message’ to work, it would be better had the whole group lined up for the human thresher. There are many more opportunities throughout the film that could have been more dire and immediate. Unfortunately, the film’s no-pulled-punches approach fizzles away along with the suspense. The story as well as its characters lack the urgency and drive to escape a phenomenon that is also recognized as unknown: what exactly are these people running from? Landscape shots of overcast trees bending by the wind, to my dismay, just don’t inspire dread.

Immediacy is key for a plot deprived suspense thriller. Our heroes seem to be in a daze themselves; the dialogue is very labored. Desperate to survive, Julian, a high school teacher played by John Leguizamo (Summer of Sam, 1999) at one point takes his sweet time saying goodbye to his friends also on the run, leaving his daughter Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez) in their care, in order to hitch a ride back to save his wife. The driver, being his ride, waits very patiently to the point of parody as Julian yammers on and on about his situation until you just want to run him over with a thresher yourself.

No plot? We should be so lucky if that were the case here. It’s worse due to being episodic and contrived. For heroes, we’re stuck with a high school science teacher Elliot (Mark Wahlberg - “It says Dirk Diggler!”) and his shaken wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel - All the Real Girls, 2003) whose marriage is ebbing. These characters are so bland that I fear Shyamalan has confused the everyman to be synonymous with triteness. Wahlberg’s hero comes across as befuddled and disengaged much of the time, as when he crash landed in Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes (2001).

It is with a heavy heart that I recognize that Deschanel, one of our generation’s loveliest and most gifted actresses, has delivered an awkward and unappealing performance. This alone should sentence Shyamalan to 500 hours of community service for his shoddy direction. Deschanel’s mesmerizing gray-blue saucer eyes (“One day, you’ll be cool.”) are exploited so ceaselessly here to dredge up Steven Spielberg’s patented wide-eyed-awe moments.

Usually an apocalyptic scenario can make the private lives of the characters seem so trivial. It is unfortunate when the character’s lives actually are trivial. Alma’s greatest sin was that she had dessert with a male co-worker and lied to her husband about it. Whoa! It is always best for filmmakers to ask themselves if the major disaster was taken out of the story, would the character’s personal subplots make a compelling movie on their own? It is a question I wish more blockbuster filmmakers asked themselves.

I would like to single out one out of several dozens flawed moments in this film: Our heroes have taken refuge with Mrs. Jones, the reliable stock crazy old woman who lives on a farm, played by Betty Buckley (the doomed gym teacher from Carrie, 1976). Over dinner, Elliot and Alma witness Mrs. Jones violently smacking Jess’ hand as she innocently reaches for a cookie. Shyamalan gives the Mrs. Jones, Elliot and Alma suitable close-up reaction shots. Everyone except Jess, the one who got hit. That is downright incompetent filmmaking. A dramatic moment is lost where Jess could have looked up to her guardians in hurt bewilderment, silently begging them to say something. The adults, conflicted by their need to appease Mrs. Jones for shelter, should have been shamed for doing nothing.

The Alma character is so clueless about her dire situation that it becomes downright insulting. She makes a desperate, however romantic gesture very late in the film that is needless and isn’t earned; considering that their sheltering holds out some hope. Worse still, she jeopardizes the life of Jess, a little girl in her care, as though the whole venture for survival was meaningless. This is where Shyamalan’s attempt at emotional manipulation is most flawed and transparent. Director Frank Darabont was more successful with a similar scenario last year with The Mist (2007), while even having the nerve to end on an inescapable and devastating note.

Shyamalan has painted himself in a corner with this premise. The appropriate conclusion should be grim and uncompromised. Technically, everybody should have died, but the final moments come across as a cop out. Just like James Wong’s Final Destination followed by the atrocious David R. Ellis sequel, but that’s an essay for another day.

There is no excuse for M. Night Shyamalan to miss the mark so many times here. After all, some of his previous features prove that he is a natural filmmaker. One of his more admirable qualities is that his films are quiet and introspective. His best work gives substantive weight to material usually regulated to the B-Movie gallows. Admittedly, I have not seen his previous two features The Village (2004) and Lady in the Water (2006) so it was quite a shock to see how far gone Shyamalan has gotten.

I thoroughly appreciated his thoughtfully chilly The Sixth Sense (1999). Unbreakable (2000) is high up on my Top Ten Superhero-Movies List. Signs (2002), his most successful feature, is the closest to form The Happening is trying to emulate. Comparing the two, The Happening pales considerably. Even the comic relief of the Mel Gibson character (“Paddy wagon!”) works while a similar kind for the Walhberg character (“I’m still talking to it”) doesn’t.

Especially familiar but lacking is the main title sequence against the superior one of Signs. Watch it here. This title sequence is a small masterpiece in of itself. I am dumbfounded that the James Newton Howard score here isn’t as heralded with such giants as Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho and John William’s Jaws. It is one of the most distinct and memorable scores that has stayed with me.

There are a few compelling moments spread out thinly in The Happening. One effective sight involving ladders, rope, and trees is marred by a loud sting sound effect Shyamalan uses cheaply instead of letting the visual get under the skin. I wasn’t bothered by the lack of plot, but by the lack of atmosphere and thoughtfulness usually associated with Shyamalan’s work. Uninspired characters jeopardize a film that dwindles toward an equally uninspired climax. As is, the only person who could dig this movie is  Poison Ivy from Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin (1997 - awful, awful movie). I hope Shyamalan is humbled and returns true to form next time.